It's Been a While

So, today in the shower, I started thinking...

When I was in Pre-school, I went to get a drink in our crowded Cafeteria. I guess when you're in pre-school 50 people can look like 200, but at least 50 students and teachers were mealing about eating drinking and being merry during our lunch break. I went up to the water fountain to get a refreshing drink; I remember waiting in line for a drink, a long line, and while waiting, I realized I had to go to pee. So, like any good natured and well adjusted preschooler, I started doing the Pee-Pee dance in line. Finally I got my turn to drink, but by this time the urge to pee was just too terrible to withstand!

Then I realized something... This water fountain looks remarkably like a smaller version of the urinals that I pee pee into, doesn't it... So, I take a drink then I whip it out and start to pee pee into the water fountain. The funny thing is that none of the student behind me seemed grossed out, they didn't immediately start to run from the line or make oohs or ahhhs (because let's face it, it had to be pretty impressive). They just stood there, maybe, kind of confused (I really didn't get a chance to look at there faces; I was busy). But the teachers freaked! Damn... no sooner did my stream start to hit the cool, shiny metal of the water fountain did a strong arm from one of them wrapped around my chest & pull my britches up (still peeing mind you), and ran me toward the bathroom! Piss was everywhere, on me and her (she deserved it... never disturb a man while he's pissin'). I received a stern lecture from her in the bathroom, and my parents were called in, and it was a big hub bub.

I've never pissed in a water fountain again...

Now, when I was... say 13, I was learning, quite rapidly and thoroughly (should be no surprise) how to lust after women... My favorite thing to do, of course, was to picture girls that I found attractive to be naked. It's amazing how every woman looks fantastic naked in my imagination. My Sunday school teacher told me that it was wrong to picture girls that I see naked. Now it doesn't seem like such a dramatic experience as the peeing incident where I learned "right" from "wrong" on this occasion, but I would say that 2 things made this experience quite a bit more potent. #1: I had heard this implied before, and I heard the actual words, as well as implications toward it afterwards, over and over again.. till this day. #2: My Sunday school teacher was my mom, and therefore, it carried a lot of weight and was kind of fucked up to hear your mom talk about naked women at all.

Despite the resonance that this experience carried with me, I still -- to this day -- picture beautiful women that I see naked, sometimes even not so beautiful women (it weirds me out every time)... So, my question is this?

Why did I stop peeing in water fountains, and not stop picturing women naked?

If we boil it down to "Drives," my sex drive can't be as strong as my drive to relieve myself... One thing I have to do to live the other, I just enjoy doing while I live... I don't need sex though... my body won't explode or become unhealthy without it. So, why do I do one and not the other?

I think it might be that one is actually wrong, and the other is only socially unacceptable. Let me rephrase that for you... one is wrong, and one is oh-so right.

Let's take our millions of years of existence into account, because I know everyone loves to do so. We learned very early on, we had to or we wouldn't be here now, that you do not lay waste where you consume. In other words, you don't go #1 or #2 in the river or lake you drink from. It could have, and has had, terrible ramifications (the bubonic plague). So, that knowledge has been passed down from generation to generation. When I was reprimanded after trying it, the scolding I got, and the punishment I received, and the logic that backed them up made sense to me logically & biologically. So, I responded with a positive behavior... I no longer did it.

Now, when I was told not to picture women naked... it apparently did not make sense to me logically or biologically... so my reaction was to continue the oh-so sweet behavior. Is this a positive or negative reaction? The only way to figure this out is to go to the streets... I'm too lazy to conduct a poll, but If I were to do so, I would assume that the results would be somewhere around 100% of men picture women, that they consider attractive, naked -- including Priests & Preachers, regular joe's like me, Serial Killers, and even gay dudes. (I've had a conversation similar to this from at least 1 of every sampling, except serial killers -- I'm not crazy.) So, my only conclusion is that this behavior is a positive one. It is present in all males, (and probably a majority of females), so why is it socially unacceptable?

Why was I told no?