My Virgin Post

It's 1:11am and I just got back from seeing Mr. Woodcock... sadly I can't shake being a Billy Bob fan. Although I think he's out of his mind in so many ways, that bastard is fun to watch. Example you might ask -- well I will answer with 2 examples, bitches. 1) Slingblade - Best rendition of a sweet-hearted murdering tard I've ever seen, and since I've interviewed Dwight Yoakum, and I wanted so badly for him to be cool, but he was a dick... I've gotta give props for splitting that Jackass's Skull with a lawn mower blade. 2) Red Carpet interview in 2001... he was asked how things were going with Angelina, who had her tongue so far down his ear at the time he was losing his balance, (b/c the inner ear controls your balance, you should have paid attention in Jr. High Science Class, bitch) and he said out of the blue... "Do you want to know the truth; We just f*#&!d in the limo on the way here." Angelina smiled, and that leather-clad pimp just walked away. That's right. the expletive is disguised b/c it was bleeped by E!, so I can't be sure that he actually said "fucked," but I'm pretty certain he did. He might have said "boned," but I don't think they would bleep that.

Now for what this means to me according to Pick Up:

Pick Up, according to Woodcock:

Keep in mind, I'm very much a newbie to this world of Pick Up that I stumble upon less than 2 months ago. But since I've known of and began my pursuit of learning this skill, I've seen elements of it everywhere I look.

I will assume, foolishly, that you have seen the Trailers for "Mr. Woodcock." Woodcock is a colossal prick P.E. Teacher who tormented the sensitive self-help author, Farley, as a child. (Can you tell that I used to write movie reviews?) Throughout the film Farley is the lovable nice guy who, at one point, gets the number of his high school crush b/c she recognizes him as a successful author. He stammers to ask for the date, which I'm sure gets an "aww" from every girl when separated by the silver screen, but when she's in front of you, stammering would evoke a much more cold-hearted reaction. He then proceeds to nice guy his way right out of her pants when he can't seem to effectively beat Woodcock. His Crush mentions to Farley that Woodcock is kind of sexy.

Woodcock... Woodcock, where for art thou Woodcock? From his name to his unwillingness to apologize for any action; Woodcock is an extreme hollywood version of the Alpha Male, and Farley is the submissive through and through. Woodcock woos Farley's Mother and his high school crush, and all this while wearing a Maroon leisure suit. As much as they paint Woodcock in negative colors, he attracts everyone to him, mostly women. The only characters in the film to dislike Woodcock are the submissive males in direct competition with him for women. They act impulsively and recklessly while Woodcock remains non-reactive, saying only what needs to be said, and staying a steady congruent course. Is Woodcock a Master PUA or an emotional cripple (as labeled by the film)? I'm in no way experienced enough to make that call, but I know one thing, every woman in this world wants, nay, needs a bit of Woodcock in'em.

Number of times I wrote the word Woodcock: I count 18.